


Too Many Lovers (Not Enough Love)

by tlakht



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Consensual, Dean Winchester Has Sexuality Realizations, Dean Winchester is Not Heterosexual, Exhibitionism, F/M, First Kiss, M/M, Multi, Porn with Feelings, Supportive Sam Winchester, Threesome - M/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23698759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tlakht/pseuds/tlakht
Summary: When a cocktail waitress propositions Dean and wants Cas to watch, it's the beginning of what will become a habit involving several other people - and maybe something more?Excerpt:They don’t talk about it during the walk back to the motel, which isn’t far away. Dean is making sure to keep at least a few inches between them as they walk, but he can’t help but glance at Cas every now and then to make sure things didn’t get weird between them. He can’t stand the thought of losing over a decade of friendship over… whatever the hell it was that just happened. Cas seems perfectly fine, however, meeting Dean’s gaze with ease; Dean would even say there’s an almost secretive smile on his face that Dean could swear wasn’t there before, and it’s… good to see.
Relationships: Castiel (Supernatural)/Original Female Character(s), Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s), Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 54
Kudos: 296





	Too Many Lovers (Not Enough Love)

It first happens, like so many things do, in Vegas.

Specifically, it begins with a proposition from a cocktail waitress while Cas is in the bathroom. She introduces herself to Dean as Alicia, and she is totally his type: brunette, hot and her hips don't lie. Any other time, he’d say yes in a heartbeat. However, this roadtrip is his and Cas’s well-deserved vacation after saving the world for the n-th and final time (while Sam and Eileen are off on their own trip to Paris), so Dean isn’t going to leave Cas all to himself, and he declines, explaining that he can’t leave his friend. What he doesn’t expect is Alicia’s response.

“The guy who was here with you earlier? He’s hot. He can watch.” No words make their way out of Dean’s mouth as he gapes at her, and she turns away with a smile and a wink over her shoulder. “Think about it, sweetheart.”

Dean does think about it. He thinks about it while he waits for Cas, thinks about it when he sees Cas returning, thinks about it when Cas sits down next to him.

“...Dean. Dean? _Dean._ ”

Dean shakes himself out of it and wonders how long Cas has been trying to talk to him. “Hm?”

Cas gives him a strange look. “Are you all right, Dean?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah.” It’s a lie. Dean isn’t all right at all. “Just, uh. Thinking.”

“About what?”

Dean considers lying once more, but... there’s no reason he can’t tell Cas what just happened, is there? If he refuses to tell Cas, then that would imply Dean had a Reaction to it – which he didn’t. He certainly hasn’t been imagining the very scenario the waitress proposed.

“One of the, uh. The waitresses asked if I wanted to come home with her after her shift. Hah.” If only Dean’s laugh would come out natural, he’d do a much better job of conveying that there was no Reaction to the waitress’s words. “And she, uh. She said you could come along and, uh. Hrm.” The last word sticks to Dean’s tongue, and he has to force it out. “Watch.” Dean begins to fiddle with the suddenly very interesting label of his beer bottle. The silence stretches out, and if Cas is waiting for Dean to meet his eyes, he’s going to have to wait a long time.

“She wants me to watch you have sex with her?” Cas finally asks, his tone perfectly neutral, and Dean curses him silently for being able to just… come out and _say_ things like that, _just like that_.

“No, not – not watch _me_ ," Dean stutters, because semantics matter – at least when it comes to this. "Watch… the sex. Her and me, together. Whatever.”

“I see,” Cas says in a way that – frighteningly – makes it seem like he does, in fact, see. Like he _gets_ why people do this kind of thing. “And what did you say?”

“Nothing,” Dean says truthfully, because that surely can’t be incriminating. No acceptance of the suggestion, no encouragement. He hasn’t done anything wrong.

“Then don’t you think you should give her an answer?”

Of course. Dean should obviously have said no, and now it seems weird that he didn’t. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do that. I’ll –” Dean slides off his stool and waves a hand in the general direction where he last saw her. “I’ll just go now and –”

“Dean,” Cas interrupts. “What answer will you give her?”

“What will I – hm?” Dean asks, not following. “I’ll say… well, of course, I’ll say –” is as far as he makes it before he realises that he doesn’t actually know if Cas _wants_ him to tell her no. “I mean.” He clears his throat. “What, uh. What do _you_ think I should say?”

“Only you can decide if you want to have sex with her, Dean… but I would not mind watching if you do.”

Dean’s rooted to the spot, flushing hot and cold. Mostly hot. “Right. Okay. You – you wanna watch me have sex with her.”

“Not you. The sex. Her and you, together,” Cas says, amused, and Dean wants to kick himself for Cas learning how to use people’s words against them from him.

“Sure, yeah. So if I tell her we’ll do it, then...?” Dean needs to make absolutely, positively sure that Cas is serious before he makes a total fool of himself.

“Then we will,” Cas says – and that seems to be that.

* * *

Once Alicia has shown Dean and Cas to her bedroom, she tells them to make themselves comfortable while she goes to freshen up. Dean and Cas both watch her go, hips swinging from side to side. “Hot, isn’t she?” Dean asks to cover up his nerves. He’s had enough time to come to terms with the fact that yes, they’re really going to do this, but that doesn’t mean he’s not the slightest bit nervous about getting intimate with a woman in front of Cas.

“She is,” Cas agrees. “Although that hardly matters. It is you who are going to have sex with her.”

“Doesnt mat–?” Dean breaks off, scandalised. “Of course it matters. The whole point of watching is… y’know, getting turned on. You need to find at least one of the people involved attractive.”

“I don’t think that is going to be a problem, Dean.”

“Right.” Dean ignores the look Cas is giving him, although seeing it out of the corner of his eye makes him break out into a sweat for some reason he can't pinpoint. “Good. Okay, she told us to get comfortable, so...” He begins shrugging off his flannel and very carefully does not look to see what Cas might be taking off. When he’s down to his pants and underwear – both of which he’s planning on keeping on until Alicia comes back – he chances a look at Cas, who has taken a seat in a recliner in a reading nook close to the bed. He is still fully dressed, even wearing his damn trenchcoat.

“Dude.” Dean beckons Cas out of the chair and walks up to him, closer than he’s ever been to him while shirtless – but then Cas is going to be seeing a lot more of Dean shortly, so he figures it doesn’t matter much. “This needs to go,” he says, tugging on a beige lapel, waiting patiently until Cas has removed his coat. “And this.”

When Cas’s suit jacket is gone, Dean begins loosening the knot of his tie. It may be weird that he likes to fix Cas’s clothing in whatever way is suitable for any given occasion, but Cas has never questioned it before, nor does he do so now – so when Cas’s tie is draped over the back of the recliner, Dean continues with his shirt buttons. “This isn’t just… you _watching_ , like you’d be watching TV,” Dean explains. “Part of what’s hot about being watched is seeing that the person watching is enjoying themselves. It won’t look like you are if you’ve got all of _this_ going on.” Dean pulls on the shirt to illustrate what he means, which seems to be a mistake, because it brings Cas closer to him just as Alicia appears in the doorway, wearing a see-through lace negligee.

“Well, well,” she smiles, “am I the one who gets to watch a show instead?”

“No.” Dean steps back immediately, his face on fire. “I was just –”

“Don’t worry,” she assures him as she comes up behind him to lay her hands on his exposed hipbones. “I can appreciate a man undressing his friend. Go on.”

“Um.” Dean hesitates. He’s unable to look Cas in the eye now that Alicia has brought attention to what he was doing. It's one thing to just… do it, pretending it's all normal, but to do it with a woman commenting on – and enjoying – the apparent homoeroticism of it? Dean isn't sure he's quite man enough for that. "That's kinda... weird, isn't it?"

"Weirder than when you were doing it a moment ago?" Cas asks, head cocked to one side.

Dean knows him well enough to know that the comment isn't meant to spur him on; it's genuine curiosity. Still, Cas has a point, and with the feeling of Alicia's mouth on the side of his neck and her hand popping the button on his jeans, his hands return to their previous task of unbuttoning Cas's shirt.

It _is_ weird, watching Cas's chest be revealed underneath his fingers, one button at a time. Not necessarily a bad weird, however. A strangely exhilarating weird. He attributes it to knowing that Alicia finds it arousing, and not at all to Cas's steady gaze on him. Because that would be even weirder.

Cas is… built, Dean realises once his shirt is gone. Not gym buff built, but certainly thicker and more defined than his trenchcoat has ever revealed. It seems a waste, really, that he never wears anything that emphasises his body; he’d probably be getting offers left and right if he did.

"Very good," Alicia purrs close to Dean's ear. "Now his pants." Dean hesitates, but when his eyes and Cas's meet, Cas nods, giving him permission.

It's obvious even before Dean reaches for the belt that Cas is getting hard already. Dean feels the urge to avert his eyes, but – they're a bit beyond that now. His fingers tremble as he fumbles with the buckle, but that's just because Alicia reaches into his boxers and closes her hand around his dick. "Fuck," he breathes, eyes fluttering shut as he finally unfastens the belt. He can feel how his tugging is causing Cas to sway into his space, and he keeps his eyes closed until the belt is fully open and Cas is back in his own space again.

When he reaches for the button on Cas's pants, he finds himself conscious of just how close he is to Cas's erect penis. This is not at all what he thought he'd be doing right now – and yet, he hasn't refused. He wonders just how far he'd be willing to take this, just by following orders. He wonders if he's soon about to find out.

"Good boy," Alicia croons when Dean pulls down Cas’s zipper. The praise makes him shiver, and he accidentally brushes against Cas's dick with his knuckles. He blushes when he hears the quiet breath it pushes out of Cas.

"You like this," Alicia says softly, more like a realisation than teasing, and for a moment Dean panics over the possibility that she’ll continue with, _undressing your friend_. What she says instead is, "Being told what to do. Being praised," which isn’t much better, but he can’t dispute it.

Having his kinks laid out like that in front of Cas is embarrassing, so Dean focuses on finishing his task instead of answering. He certainly doesn’t look at Cas to find out what he may be thinking right now.

When Dean finally pulls down Cas's pants and helps him step out of them, he ends up unexpectedly (although how he didn't expect it, he's not sure) close to an angel boner stretching Cas's boxer briefs out in front of him.

Cas's pupils are dilated, Dean notices when he stands back up, and he gets lost in them for a moment. He’s been close to Cas before (after all, the guy used to have difficulties with the concept of personal space), but never like this. Never quite so close, quite so undressed, with Cas looking at him quite like this.

Dean somehow forgets they’re not alone in the room until he feels Alicia’s hands on him again. He almost expects to be asked to remove Cas's underwear as well, but instead, Alicia begins removing Dean's pants, reaching her hands around from behind to work the button open. Cas takes it as his cue to sit down on the recliner, and then Dean is being undressed in front of him while he looks up at Dean with dark eyes.

Dean can tell that Cas's cock jumps when his is revealed, even underneath the layer of cotton. A coincidence, he's sure, but it still feels like a not-coincidence, and while he can't decide quite how he feels about that, his cock seems to like it, hardening further under Cas’s gaze. It’s just a bit too much to deal with, and Dean turns around to begin what they came here for, turning his attention to Alicia.

He’s aware of Cas’s heavy gaze on them when he kisses her, when they fall to bed together; when he frees her breasts and touches her with lips and fingers in all the places he knows drive women crazy. It's infinitely more arousing, knowing that they're being watched, and while he pays Alicia her due attention, he is also highly conscious of Cas watching him slide her panties to the side and worship her with his mouth; of Cas watching Dean's pleasure as she sucks his cock, and then later as she seats herself on top of him, riding him slowly.

Dean can tell that Cas's dick is straining against the confines of his underwear. It looks uncomfortable, and he wishes Cas would just touch himself.

It's somewhat of an epiphany when he realises he can just… tell Cas it's fine if he wants to do just that. Like he said earlier, it's not like Cas is purely an observer; Dean can interact with him if he wants.

"Hey, Cas," he says, his voice ever so slightly strained. "If you want to touch yourself, y'know, that's cool."

"You're both fine with that?" Cas's voice is deeper than Dean has ever heard it, and it sends a shiver down his spine that has him thrusting up into Alicia.

"Fuck, yeah. Go for it," Alicia breathes, her gaze and Dean's both fastening on Cas as he pulls his underwear down underneath his balls. His cock is thick and flushed and glistening at the tip, and Cas releases a sinful moan when he finally has his hand around it.

Dean isn’t sure he can look away, too stupefied by the sight of Cas – _Cas,_ angel Cas, best friend Cas – touching himself and by the deep, rumbling sound coming from his chest, so when Alicia moans “God, look at him” in Dean’s ear it’s a relief. He’s just following yet another order. “Look at how turned on he is by us,” she says, and Dean’s nothing if not obedient in bed, so he does. He looks at the pearl of precum that appears at the slit of Cas’s cock, looks at Cas’s hand stroking, squeezing a little each time it nears the head, looks at Cas’s eyes flicking between where Dean’s cock is sliding in and out of Alicia and, every so often, Dean’s own.

When it’s all over, Dean is too dazed to remember who came first and who came last – only that they all did, with a vague awareness that maybe his eyes met Cas’s when he came, but he’s not going to dwell on that. If it did happen, it was purely by coincidence.

* * *

They don’t talk about it during the walk back to the motel, which isn’t far away. Dean is making sure to keep at least a few inches between them as they walk, but he can’t help but glance at Cas every now and then to make sure things didn’t get weird between them. He can’t stand the thought of losing over a decade of friendship over… whatever the hell it was that just happened. Whatever the hell it was Dean just did, staring at his friend when that wasn’t what they had agreed on at all. Cas seems perfectly fine, however, meeting Dean’s gaze with ease; Dean would even say there’s an almost secretive smile on his face that Dean could swear wasn’t there before, and it’s… good to see. This was what Dean wanted to achieve that time he took Cas to a brothel, and he’s happy to see that he’s been able to do that for him (although, he has to remind himself, that smile is really Alicia’s doing, not his).

They still don’t talk about it as they get ready for bed, nor at breakfast the next morning. It’s not until they’re out on the interstate that Dean – for some godforsaken reason – decides to turn down the music and ask Cas what he thought about last night. It’s meant as an invitation to mutual appreciation of Alicia; as the kind of nudge-nudge conversation between guy friends after one of them got laid. In hindsight, Dean realises it wasn’t his best idea, considering… everything that happened. It’s a thought that has Baby swerving a little to the right.

"I enjoyed it very much,” Cas says, which is fine as answers go. Not too weird. Then he adds, “It was… illuminating,” and Dean is too chickenshit to ask what the hell that means, so he keeps his mouth shut – for about six miles.

The question is burning in his mind and on his tongue, however, and he has to let it out to get reprieve. “How so?”

Cas, it seems, doesn’t find it weird that Dean is continuing the conversation from ten minutes earlier, nor has he forgotten what they were talking about.

“I learned a few things, like the fact that I enjoy watching people have sex.”

Which… yeah, Dean gets that, and he nods. “Like a live porn show, right?”

“Not quite,” Cas says enigmatically, before he continues, “Porn actors don’t usually come out of the screen and remove my clothes.” Which… not only does it speak of Cas’s twisted sense of humour, but it also tells Dean _Cas looks at porn,_ which was something he didn’t know – but most importantly… no. Just no.

“Uh, yeah. Let’s not… Let’s not talk about that. What else did you learn?” He asks in a desperate attempt to get Cas talking about something else.

“If you didn’t want to hear about that, I doubt you want me to answer that question,” Cas says, which shuts Dean right up, because yeah, he probably doesn’t. “What did you think?” Cas asks instead, throwing the question back at Dean.

“Me? I, um.” Dean decides to play it safe and plasters on a lecherous grin. “Well, it was sex, so it was awesome, obviously.”

Dean is looking at the road, but he can still feel Cas’s pondering stare. “It wasn’t just normal sex, though.”

“Probably more normal than you’d think,” Dean shrugs – which is likely true, but he also just... can’t have Cas thinking what they did was anything out of the ordinary. In fact, he needs Cas to believe that it’s something just about anyone might do. That what they did was okay, normal – or maybe Dean just needs to convince himself of that. “Most people have a few kinks they enjoy, whether that involves watching or being watched or blindfolds or spanking or… whatever.”

“Like being given orders or being praised,” Cas nods, as if that is in any way, shape or form an acceptable thing to bring up.

“Okay, that’s it,” Dean growls, more from embarrassment than anger. “Conversation over.” He turns the music up again, and thankfully Cas seems content to drop the issue, humming along to the song as if everything is normal. And when Cas still hasn’t mentioned it again when they go to bed in a new motel that night, Dean thinks maybe it can be.

* * *

The next time, it’s Cas who gets propositioned. Clueless as always, he doesn’t realise that the blonde is trying to get his attention until Dean tells him and encourages him to go talk to her. She looks to be somewhere in her fifties, still smoking hot and clearly on the prowl, and Dean would have gotten cougar vibes from her if Cas had been about a gazillion times younger than he actually is.

Dean scans the room for opportunities for himself; he’s not going to go up to anyone until he knows that Cas won’t scare the woman away by saying something too strange, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared for when – as begins to seem more and more likely – Cas leaves with her.

He has just laid eyes on a blue-eyed beauty when he feels a hand on his shoulder, and he turns around to find Cas there. “Well?” he asks, curious to find out if Cas has struck out or if the angel is getting lucky tonight.

“She wants to have sex with me,” Cas states bluntly. “And…” He hesitates, as if he’s not sure it’s the right thing to say. “I asked her if she would mind if you came along and watched. She seemed quite excited about the prospect.”

“You… you _what_?” Dean asks. “You want me to watch you guys?”

“You did say it was normal,” Cas says almost defensively, and crap, Dean did say that, didn’t he? He hadn’t thought it would result in _this_ , however. He debates asking Cas exactly why he wants Dean to watch, but quickly decides against it. Down that road lies… well, Dean isn’t sure what, exactly, and he isn’t about to find out.

“What the hell,” he mumbles before downing the rest of his drink and slamming the glass down on the table. “Let’s go.”

* * *

The woman – Donna – is experienced and ferocious, like Dean had expected, but what’s more is… Cas is equally intense in bed, lifting her with ease and fucking her against a wall or eating her out hungrily, and it has Dean wondering just what Cas and April got up to during their marriage while he was ‘Emmanuel’. It makes him feel just a tiny bit unwell for some reason – and a lot turned on.

The worst thing is, Cas keeps looking at him when it’s Dean who’s supposed to be looking at them. He supposes it makes them even for last time, but it’s still confusing to feel Cas’s gaze on him while Dean is looking right back and jerking off.

“Holy fuck,” Donna moans as Cas sinks into her from behind, giving Dean an excellent view of his dick sliding in and out of her, and while he kinda wants to laugh at her unintended pun, he also can’t help but agree. _Holy fuck_.

Donna being tireless and Cas having angel stamina, they go on long enough for Donna to reach no less than five orgasms. Dean ends up edging almost by accident, backing off every time he gets close, not wanting to get off long before Donna and Cas are finished. Each time, it gets harder and harder to pull away from the edge again, and in the end he’s a complete wreck, the near-orgasm constantly buzzing in his veins. He hardly dares lay a single finger on himself anymore for fear that he’ll explode instantly, and when Cas finally orgasms and Dean doesn’t have to hold on anymore, he doesn’t know what happens first – whether he shoots before he gets a hand on his dick or it's the other way around. He thinks maybe it’s the former, but either way his orgasm is too spectacular to care.

* * *

The thing is, after that… it keeps happening. Dean would like to be able to claim that it’s Cas’s fault every time, but he has found himself asking the women he’s flirting with if they would mind an audience, and if they say no... well, he moves on to someone else.

After their road trip is over, Dean finds himself assuming – with a strange sense of wistfulness – that their sexual adventures together are now over and done with, never to be spoken of again. After all, Sam usually joins them when they go out, and, well. It was just some vacation fun, he supposes, before everything goes back to the usual.

He thinks about it the next time they’re at the local bar, but… vacation is over, and Sam and Eileen are _right there_. Still, it’s not the worst thing, drinking and having fun with some of the people who mean the most to him.

Dean is in the middle of a conversation with Sam and Eileen about which microbrews they prefer when Dean sees a tall, brown-haired man approach Cas at the bar. They seem to exchange a few words before the man holds up two fingers, signalling to the bartender, and – holy shit, is the guy buying Cas a drink?

It’s hard to keep track of the conversation all of a sudden, when Dean’s attention is on… whatever the hell is going on at the bar. Cas was only getting himself a new beer, and now he’s taking a seat. With the guy, who throws his head back in laughter at something Cas just said. Seriously, who laughs like that? Especially at something _Cas_ says? Dean is basically the only person who gets his sense of humour.

“Eileen,” Dean says, putting a hand on her arm to get her attention. “Look at that guy over there, with Cas. Can you read his lips? What is he saying?”

Eileen turns around just as Sam says, “Dude, is he… flirting with Cas?” Which is exactly what Dean is hoping to find the answer to. Although the hand that has now made its way onto Cas’s thigh really answers that question for him, he supposes, and… Cas isn’t rebuffing his advances. In fact, Cas is smiling and maybe even leaning a bit toward the guy, and since when is Cas into men??

“He’s being very… forward,” Eileen says, turning back around, and that really tells Dean all he needs to know.

“Okay.” He swallows. “Yeah, okay. Guess we better give Cas some privacy.” His own words sit wrong with him, somehow, but he can’t figure out why. Instead of dwelling on it, he turns away from the sight of Cas and the man and tries to steer the conversation onto something else – which turns out to be surprisingly easy, as Sam and Eileen don’t seem half as disturbed to find out that Cas is into dudes as him.

It’s only been maybe ten minutes or so when Cas approaches their table with the guy in tow. “Sam, Eileen. I’m sorry to cut this evening short, but I’m leaving with Matthew here,” he says, and receives assurances from them that it’s absolutely fine. Dean feels left out until – “Dean. Would you like to…?”

Holy shit.  
_  
Holy shit.  
_  
Not only is Cas going to go have sex with this guy, but… he wants Dean to watch? Is asking Dean in front of Sam and Eileen, in fact, to watch him have gay sex. And now they’re looking between Dean and Cas with questioning looks and Dean would really prefer to sink into a hole in the ground over being in this situation right now, but then he sees Cas interpret his silence as a no, beginning to turn away, and Dean immediately jumps to his feet. “Um. Yeah, I’ll… Sure.”

“Dean, what…?” Sam says, and Dean doesn’t answer, because he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing either. “Is this another gay thing?” Sam calls after him as they’re leaving. Dean’s answer is a middle finger in the air. He’ll deal with Sam and his questions later, probably by pretending he can’t hear them.

* * *

Matthew, it appears, has only recently moved into his apartment and doesn’t have any chairs yet.

“My bed is big enough for all of us,” he says, which is how Dean ends up on it even though he’s just there to watch. He reclines against the pillows, shirtless, and pulls off his pants while Matthew and Cas undress each other, and God, it’s confusing to be so close to two guys who are about to fuck. For a moment he wonders if he’s even going to be able to get it up this time, and he leaves his underwear on in case he won’t, but it turns out that’s not going to be a problem when Matthew sticks his hand inside Cas’s boxers and gets him moaning.

As rubbing and handjobs turn into blowjobs – _how does Cas know how to do that?_ – Dean’s briefs begin to feel tighter, and there’s a damp spot on the front of them, but he still doesn’t know if he dares touch himself. There’s something that seems almost forbidden, somehow, about touching himself to this.

“Mmm, yeah. Fuck me,” Matthew moans, and Dean’s cock jumps at the mental image – soon to become a visual image – of Cas doing just that. After digging out lube and condoms from a drawer, Matthew gets on all fours right next to Dean, and Dean can hear the slick sounds of the lube as Cas begins to prepare him. It’s all terrifyingly arousing, probably all the more so because Dean hasn’t even so much as rubbed himself through his boxers yet and his cock is begging for touch.

Suddenly, Cas does something that has Matthew calling out and reaching out with a hand to steady himself. On Dean’s shoulder. It remains there, squeezing, as Matthew moans again, and Dean… well, he’s in on this, isn’t he? It would be rude to ask him to remove his hand.

But then... it travels across to the other side of Dean’s neck. The motion brings Matthew’s face closer to Dean, and _oh_ , it seems he’s gotten the wrong message about what exactly it is they're doing here, because his eyes travel down to Dean’s lips while his hand slides up to cup Dean’s jaw and Dean really needs to decide what to do soon because he’s coming closer and – and – and his lips are soft on Dean’s, drawing out a quiet moan from him as he finds himself automatically returning it.

When Matthew draws away, Dean’s eyes automatically seek out Cas’s; he’s irrationally panicked that Cas is going to judge him for kissing a man, before he realises just where Cas’s fingers are at the moment. And... Cas looks like just maybe he enjoyed seeing it, so when Matthew leans in for another kiss, Dean doesn’t fight it. He still doesn’t resist when Matthew’s mouth moves lower, and lower still, nor when they reposition so Matthew is above him and can pull him out of his underwear. He’s downright pliable when he gets a pillow stuffed underneath his ass so Matthew can remain on his knees and still reach with his mouth where they all seem to want it to be.

Dean doesn’t know if he’s going to regret this later; if he has just let himself get caught up in the sight and sounds of sex and in his own arousal. Right now, he doesn’t care. Doesn’t care that the person giving him a blowjob is a dude; doesn’t care that it turns him on even more when Cas looks on with a dark, lustful gaze. Doesn’t care that he ends up spilling in a man’s mouth or that he slides out from underneath the guy to give him a hand while Cas fucks him until they all collapse in a sated pile.

* * *

He does regret it, slightly, when Sam asks him about it like Dean knew he would. The worst thing is, it’s not teasing. There’s no knowing smirk. Just an earnest question and a patient, open expression while Sam waits for Dean to reveal… whatever. His sexual orientation, maybe, which – if Dean could, he fucking would, but he can't make sense of anything right now. Instead, he draws out a chair for himself and waits for Sam to do the same, and then he tells Sam about what he and Cas have been doing.

He has to hand it to his little brother; Sam doesn’t even once wrinkle his nose in disgust or look outraged at any of the things Dean says. Granted, he doesn’t go into detail about the explicit stuff, but Sam is a smart boy; he can piece things together. What Dean _does_ recount in a fair amount of detail – for once in his life – is his feelings throughout it all.

When Dean has told him everything there is to tell, Sam steeples his hands in front of his face. He doesn’t say anything for the longest time, and Dean begins to panic. Maybe he was wrong; maybe Sam is so shocked by Dean’s revelations that he has completely stopped functioning.

Just when Sam has left Dean sweating long enough that his t-shirt has begun to turn damp, he decides to speak.

"Okay, hear me out. Don't shoot me down right away; give this some thought before you answer. Do you think maybe… all these encounters were just an excuse to be intimate with Cas somehow? Like… maybe you’re in love with him?"

It's a shock to Dean's system, hearing the words, and like Sam correctly predicted, his first instinct is to deny it. Sam asked him to give it some thought, however, so he will, and he numbly gets up from his chair and claps Sam on the shoulder. "I'll tell you when I know."

Four hours later, Dean texts a three-letter word to Sam from his room, and when Sam texts back to ask if Dean wants him to tell Cas for him, he replies with the same three-letter word. Apparently, he never grew out of middle school, but fuck it. He wants Cas to know before he changes his mind completely, but he can't be expected to come to terms with suppressed feelings _and_ express them to the person they're directed at in one day. Especially if Cas doesn't return them. At least then Dean is safely hidden away from the disaster while it happens.

Half an hour of nervous pacing later, there's a knock on Dean's door, and he freezes right where he's standing.

"Come in," he calls out, and Cas enters. And closes the door behind him. And faces Dean with an inscrutable expression.

"Say something," Dean pleads; his nerves have been frazzled for four and a half hours already. He needs to know if Cas is here to make all his new, gay dreams come true or crush them to the ground like the newly formed, fragile things they are.

"Is it true? What Sam told me?"

"Depends on what he said," Dean shrugs, aiming for nonchalant and instead hitting nervous as hell with his blushing and hand wringing. "But, um. Yeah, probably. I, uh." He looks down at the floor and rubs his neck and lets his mouth run away with him. "I mean, it's fine if you don't feel the same way. And I'm sorry if it makes you feel weird about the stuff we've been doing, but I swear, I didn't realise until today. Shit, I didn't even realise I was into _dudes_ , which, I mean, technically you aren't one, but Matthew definitely is, and you've got man bits anyway, and – I mean, not that I'm interested in Matthew, 'cause I'm, I’m definitely not, but I had _gay sex_ and –"

"Dean," Cas interrupts with a smile on his face that says he thinks Dean is an idiot, but an adorable idiot, at least. "Shut up and kiss me." And yeah, Dean does enjoy following orders, so maybe it makes him a little weak in the knees when he complies. Or maybe that's just because he's _finally_ kissing Cas, which is something he never even knew he longed for, but that the absolute joy it fills him with proves that he did.

And when Cas whispers praise into his ear later that night, in the afterglow of their first lovemaking, Dean wraps Cas's arm tighter around himself, feeling safe and warm and assured that from now on, they won’t need any partners but each other.


End file.
